Wednesday, August 3, 2011

I got the swag and it's pumpin' out my ovaries

Betch you ain't no Barbie, I see you work at Arbys
Number two, Super Size, hurry up I'm starving.
Kreayshawn, (Cray-shawn, or Cree-ay-tion?) However you pronounce her name, this tiny, stylin' white girl can spit words hard. All over your face. She is now the 2011 MTV VMA Best New Artist Nominee and I can see why. Not only does she write her own raps, but she directs and edits her videos along with many other artists. She is currently working with The Red Hot Chili Peppers on a new video. Get get it girrrrl. I am looking forward to hearing her next singles, that's fo' show.

I'm hooked up to my morning IV drip, coffee: black, one pack of Splenda. I woke up with the cramp cramp CRAMPS this morning... Aunt Flow made her visit early this month. She wasn't welcome and I cannot wait until she packs her bitchy bags and leaves. She makes me borderline Bipolar and all I want to do is eat chocolate when she's around. For example:

Help me!
Buddha Brie

You can see why I call her little Buddha, I love that chunky Buddha belly.
Currently listening to Ni Hao, Kai-lan in the background while Bella, aka Bear ( she likes to growl like a bear on the reg) plays in the living room and Buddha swings away into her LaLaLand for a couple hours until she's ready to scream at me. 'Chop chop Mummy, I'm starving over here, and I left you a big present in my poop sack. Now make it all better Woman!'
I spoke too soon, Princess Buddha needs me.
Super mommy to the rescue!

Bella BEAR
Mommy's little helper, she loves helping me clean, pick out clothes for her and Buddha, and gets a kick out of throwing away her sister's diapers in the trash can. She wanted me to take a picture of her too, this is her "Cheese" face, simply adorable. :)
One stinky load down so far today and Princess Buddha is a happy camper again.
This is her, "Thanks Mommy, I'm sure you wouldn't like to sit in your crap either" face.
That is all for now.

One big room.
Full of bad betches.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Eau De Sour Milk Cologne

Meet Little Miss Brie

This little ball of pudgy is Brie, aka Buddha. She just started smiling the other day, and these chubby faced smiles make my heart cry tears of pure happiness.

After almost two months of having her home with us, I am ready to take on the task of taking BOTH girls out and about with me, all by myself. Usually I have my husband to help me when we go out, but he is deploying again in 2012, so I have to get used to it sooner or later. Those of you that don't have children, probably think I'm overreacting, but my fears are very valid. My biggest fear is one or both of the girls getting mad/fussy/screaming/crying right in the middle of me checking out of the grocery store. Which can being easily overwhelming for myself and everyone around me. Time to face my fears, war stories to come when we return.
My Princesses

*Sigh*. . . That brilliant idea was cut short, with multiple babies, you must ALWAYS expect the unexpected. Before I could even step foot out of the door, I was covered in baby vomit in less than 30 seconds flat. Brie is the current title holder for record projectile vomit distance. Bravo little Buddha, you have quite a talent. After two complete wardrobe changes, Spot-Shotting most of my living room carpet and momentarily contemplating pulling my hair out, I decided against attempting to take the girls out today. The deal breaker: Asking my two year old to pick up her toys, she responded, "Uh . . . No way Mommy. You bad!"  Wait, What? YOU bad, sassy britches. I can't wait until she's a teenager. . . Hmm, I take that back!

While I continue to gather what's left of my sanity; laundry, lunch, baths, and naps are in order.  Contrary to popular belief, little princesses are not always sweet little angels.

S(p)it Happens!!

Monday, August 1, 2011

Ciao 'Ello Kittay

Hello Kitty Vans

No Longer In Stock
Nooooo! Ever since Van's announcement of the New Authentic Hello Kitty Shoe, I have wanted the solid black and red tennies. Santa (aka Hubby) said I would find them under the twinkling lights of the Christmas Tree, on little 8 pound baby Jesus' birthday. I felt like a fat kid in the World's largest candy shop, but when I went to place my order my fat little heart broke. Sad day, but as the fabulous Gloria Gaynor once said,
 "I Will Survive."


Wake up, wake up, wake up it's the first of the month

Simmer down Bone Thugs . . . Thug, what up thug.
What is a THUG? Well I just happened to that interesting word. No, I didn't 'Google It', which isn't like me. This is what I learned today:
1. Thug
As Tupac defined it, a thug is someone who is going through struggles, has gone through struggles, and continues to live day by day with nothing for them. That person is a thug. and the life they are living is the thug life. A thug is NOT a gangster. Look up gangster and gangsta. Not even CLOSE, my friend.
"That boy ain't a gangsta, fo'sho'. Look at how he walks, he's a thug. life. That's the saddest face I've seen in all my life as a teen."

Thank you, you's makin' me mo' smarta every day, yo. So a thug is not a gansta? Who knew. You know, I don't think being in a Gang would be all that bad. At least I could easily color coordinate my entire wardrobe, and I would definitely be a Cript. Only because the color blue best suits my skin tone and eye color, what? A gansta/thug has to be practical, ya dig? My husband, Matt and my kids would definitely be in my gang, between all that blue and the harsh smell of stinky diapers, I highly doubt anyone would mess with us. We don't have any gang signs just yet, but we're working on it. We do have one pretty dope secret hand shake though... yea, WHAT WHAT.

First off I want to start by saying, yikes. I cannot believe it is already the first of August, where has this year gone? My baby, Brie, will be two months old on the 4th . . . It feels like just the other day we were talking about adding another child to our little family, and now the time just seems to fly right past me.

On a less sappy subject . . .  I love coffee, I have no idea how I would function without it. Between my hyper toddler, Bella, and new little Brie, I rarely have a minute to myself, let alone anywhere near enough sleep to function normally during the day. Without coffee I would be a walking Zombie, not one of those cool zombies from Night of the Living Dead either, I would be one of the retarded ones from Shawn of the Dead.

The first of the month, the start of a new month, and the day our paychecks dwindle down to nothing. Bills Bills Bills Bills BILLS, you are the spawn of the Devil. I swear I must have holes in my pockets . . . In the mean time, while I search the couches for pennies, check out my mini me, Bella PLANKING. Two years old and that girl already has skills.
Skuh Doosh :)

Peace out Gansta'

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Fresh Queen of Clarksville

Now this is the story all about how
My life got flipped, turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute just sit real still
I'll tell you how I became the Queen of a town called Clarksville

In south Louisiana born and raised
In the bayou where I spent most of my days
Fried catfish and sweet tea, that's how I roll
Hanging out with my brother-cousin-sisters near the swimmin' hole
C'mon, really what'd you expect
I'm half Cajun, half Red neck

Met my husband at a gay bar, long story short
He's not gay, I'm almost positive . . . for the most part
He serves proudly in the Army, by his side I will remain
Through the distance, the trials, adventures, and pain
Call him King of the castle, Matthew or Dad
I call him the best thing I've ever had

We have a midget running wild on the loose
A three foot tall, crazy, 2 year old silly goose
She prefers, Bella, the number one princess
She enjoys Dora, singing, and making a mess
Our baby, is Brie, the smallest of the bunch
Eat, sleep, poop, repeat all before lunch

Welcome to our Kingdom, this life is quite the thrill
Join me through our journey, 'Surviving Clarskville'.